Historical Tour: The Ocean Floor
by Jackel

Thank you for visiting Temple of Stupid historical tours! Today we'll take our glass bottom canoe to the Coral Ocean, where we'll learn of its creation and history. To your left you see several lovely mermaids lounging about lazily. To your right you see...some water.. Ah! Here we are! We've reached our destination...

Here we can see the sandy ocean floor, home to the ruler of Coral Ocean. Unfortunately he spends all his time in his royal cave, so we won't be able to see him. But allow me to explain how he came to be ruler. Manannan Mac Lir, oceanic warrior and wise leader. His father, Manannananna Mac Lir, was a great magician, using his magic he carved out what is now the Coral Ocean's beautiful floor.

Manannananna lived in solitude, as all his family had passed away. Deciding he would take that matter into his own hands, he used the popular mirror image spell to create reflections of himself. Seeing that all his images had no emotions or thoughts, he considered himself a failure. He broke off a piece of coral from the nearby reef, and infused some voodoo funky magic into it. Sharpening it into a trident, he lined up his images and poked them each, making a slight red haze in the area. When it dissipated, all of the images had changed. One merman, two merman, green merman, blue merman. They each had their own individual personality. Seeing that he had created merfolk to live in his ocean, he settled in with one of the prettier mermaids and had a son, Manannan Mac Lir...

On Manannan's sixteenth birthday, his father decided to have a large party. Everyone in the Coral Ocean attended. The gift table was loaded with rare pearls, shells, and beautiful chunks of coral. Manannananna forged a shield of abalone shell and pulled a few of his fin scales off to plate it with. His son was ecstatic when he saw the shield, seeing the opportunity, he handed it to his mer-friend and proposed. That day was truly a happy day. Well...until Manannananna choked on one of the decor shells on the birthday cake. Manannan was his only heir, so he and his mer-friend, Ula, share the duty of overseeing the Coral Ocean.

Whoo...that was a long story, we'll take a break for lunch and then...oh...uhh...no no no, this canoe is -very- expensive, don't yank on it like that. Oh my, that glass bottom isn't supposed to come out...I'm afraid due to an unforeseeable octopus we'll be evacuating the boat. Thank you, and have a nice day!

-Temple of Stupid Historical Tours